Last week a couple announced their pregnancy, actually the husband surprised his wife with her pregnancy. Yes you read that correctly. Their names are Sam and Nia. The are YouTube sensations. You can see their YouTube channel here. However a few days later they posted a much different video online. Nia had suffered a miscarriage. Here is the heart breaking video.
My heart breaks for them. For any and all parents who have suffered through this. I can relate. I can relate to the heartache, heartbreak, and empty feeling. I can relate to it all.
As a mother, as a mother who has suffered a loss this story really struck a chord with me. I cried for them, I cried for me, and I cried for all people who have felt this loss.
Here is what I can not relate to, people complaining that it was “too soon” for them to announce their pregnancy. This breaks my heart. When I had a miscarriage no one even knew I had been pregnant. I was only 7 weeks along, I had not even told my parents yet. I have never felt so alone. No one got to share in the joy with me I had for those first couple weeks I knew. They only got to see the aftermath, see me broken and hurting. I learned that it is never too early to share pregnancy news. That even if something happens and you miscarry, whether you have told people or not it will not take away a couples heartbreak and pain, it will not make it hurt less if no one else knew they were pregnant.
To the people who say to wait till 12 weeks, please don’t. There is no need for a pregnancy to be kept a secret because of the risk of miscarriage. It doesn’t make it any easier when someone suffers a miscarriage. There is no shame in miscarriage and loss. For me, I wish I had told people as soon as I knew. I could have used a support group around me when it happened.
Women should be free to make the choice to tell their news whenever they want, without shame, without worrying, just with pure happiness. If something happens to take comfort in knowing that they will have a support system around them.
To any person out there suffering, please know you are not alone. It is ok to talk about it. It is ok to let the world know. It is ok to feel broken. It is ok, there is support out there for you.
It has been almost 3 years since my miscarriage and I still have a hard time talking about it, a part of me still feels like I should hide that away from the world, and that is not right. I lost a baby. I lost my baby. And my heart breaks for my baby that I never got to know, never got to hold, but still in 7 weeks loved with all my heart.
Lets end the secrecy around early pregnancies, around miscarriages and loss. Lets come together and support each other. Lets not make a woman feel as though she needs to hide her pregnancy. All life should be celebrated and supported.