Lately I am determined to find balance. To find out if balance is even real. Or to find a way to live without and still function and be okay.
See the thing is I thrive on a schedule, a routine. To keep my stress and anxiety at bay I need do everything on my list, which is a lot. I have been trying to find balance since the day I become a mother. It has been a long journey. Some days I feel I have found it. Some weeks it seems I am on a roll with it. And then eventually it all comes crashing down. I need to accept that it is life. That it is ok to not accomplish all the things. But still a very stubborn part of me wants, no, craves balance. The idea of balance is intriguing to me. A part of me knows it is a myth, but I still want it.
I want to at the end of the day feel like I have accomplished it all, not just enough, but all. I do not just want to just get by, I want to do it and succeed at it. I want to go to bed at night and not stress about all the things still left to do that I didn’t accomplish that day.
Maybe I put too much stress on myself? Expect too much to be done in a single day? Maybe I need to stretch out my daily to-do list to a few days or a week? Limit my to-do list to make it more realistic?
So this week I will attempt to limit my to-do list each day. I will set a timer when doing a task, and when it is done I will walk away and move on. Or at least try to.
Either way I hope I find the elusive balance, or find a way to let go and thrive in the chaos. Maybe that is the true secret, how to thrive in chaos? How to keep going no matter what? How to enjoy the ride while still focusing on the end goal? How to let go, let be, and still get your stuff done?