Lets be honest here for a minute… Let’s talk about the bad days, and hopes for the future.
Some days are harder than others. Some days take a lot of extra effort. Some days I am just so tired. Some days are amazing. The truth is there is good and bad in every single day. Even the really really bad ones there is still some good. It just takes some extra effort to find it, but its there, I promise.
Motherhood, parenthood, is such a crazy adventure. It takes those regular good days and bad days and takes them to massive extremes. When you have a bad day and you have a whole audience watching you, relying on you, depending on you for everything, it makes those bad days even harder.
Like anyone else I have bad days and good days. I have cried in front of my kids many times for many different reasons. I have cried from pure joy and happiness, to love, to just being so tired. I have cried over spilling food (I once dropped a tray of food, I’m not sure if it was the wasted food or the mess, or the laughing at it all, but I cried). I have cried from laughing so much. I have cried from sadness. Basically any and all emotions will make me cry when I feel them strongly enough. (And there is no shame in that. I was once told not to let your children see you cry. I never understood that. And clearly I didn’t listen to that advice.)
But despite all that, despite the tears and bad days I try. I try my best to be the best mom and wife I can be. Every day, good or bad, I try. I hope when my kids look back on the their childhood that is what they see. They see that I’ve tried. They will see that I loved them so fiercely and that I tried. Every single day, good or bad, I tried, I pushed harder, for them.
I hope my kids see a mom who loved them, a mom who was so happy even when she was sad, a mom who behind all the tears was trying, a mom who when she wanted to give up and hide from the bad day that she continued to try harder.
I am just a mom trying my best to be the best that I can be. I am doing my best to raise my kids right. I am doing my best to hold it together especially when I feel like I am falling apart. I am doing my best to make it through the day having maybe taught my kids something and made their life a little brighter.
When they look back I hope they know how fiercely loved they were/are and how much I tired, every day.
Motherhood isn’t always easy or fun, but it always the best.