When Someone Told Me My Marriage Would End.

Marriage. Why didn’t anyone tell me it would be like this?! My parents made it look insanely easy, or maybe they were just good at not arguing in front of the kids. Movies clearly lie about relationships, especially Disney. (I’m still waiting for animals to come help me clean the house, not that that has anything to do with marriage, it would just be nice.)

The thing with marriage, is that it is as unique as each person that is involved in it. No two marriages are the same, so its hard for people to actually give advice. When they do give advice it is more of a blanket type advice.

When I met my husband, I didn’t really listen to advice much. I’m not one for being told how to do things. I’m stubborn that way. I figured that we would figure out what worked best for us and go from there. Adjust and change as needed.

I have been with my husband for 11 years now. It is long enough to learn a few things, but clearly not long enough to know everything. We still manage to surprise each other. But what we have learned is what works for us, for the most part. We have learned how to communicate better, thats always something we will be working on. I have also learned that marriage is hard work, but so worth it.

I have also learned that everyone loves to put their two cents in, usually ‘helpful’ advice. What I never expected was when someone told me my marriage would end. To be fair this person did not just simply say something mean in passing, they actually yelled at me and tried to make an argument for their case. It was not because my husband and I were fighting a lot. Not because one of us had an affair. Not because we didn’t love each other. Someone told me my marriage would end because my husband helps around the house!

See in our marriage that was one of the things we figured out that worked for us. We both live in this house, so we both take care of our house. We both wear clothes, so we both do laundry. We both eat, so we both cook and clean the kitchen. I cook dinner, my husband cleans the kitchen. My husband cooks dinner, my husband cleans the kitchen – just kidding, I help!

When my husband and I got married we agreed we were an equal partnership. We help each other out, we support each other, we take care of each other, we lean on each other, we parent together, we make decisions together. We also help each other out around the house.

I’m not going to say my marriage will never fail, I hope it won’t, I don’t think it will, but I know for sure that if it does, it won’t be because my husband had to do dish and wash his own clothes.

My marriage is a partnership. My husband and I work together. And my husband sure as heck does not “babysit”! He parents along side with me! But that is a whole other story and issue. My husband is more than someone who brings home a paycheque. He is my husband and my children’s father. How we make things work, how we live, how we choose to spend our happily ever after is our story to write and enjoy.

Moral of this all, your relationship is your own. Your marriage is your own. For me and my marriage we figured out what worked for us. Marriage is hard enough without outside people trying to rip it apart. So when giving “advice” make sure it is helpful. Just because you think something needs to be said, doesn’t always means the other person actually needs to hear it.

Marriage and parenting. To each their own. Enjoy it as you wish.

~Michelle

13Sep2016

Dear Moms, Age Is Just A Number

Posted in Blog by Mommyhood Land Blog

When my big guy was in Junior Kindergarten he was 4 years old, like all the other kids in his class. Unlike all the other kids in his class, his mom (me) was only 25 years old at the time.

My age never bothered me, it never determined how good of a mother or how much of a mother I was. But it clearly bothers some people. And now that my kids are back in school, I have to deal with it all over again.

It all happened one fine day when my son was happily playing in the kindergarten school yard. Happy as can be. I was standing watching him, while my other son, who wasn’t old enough yet for school sat at my feet playing with a toy. Another students mom came up to me and asked my age. Feeling no guilt or shame in it, I proudly answered her. Her response, as loud as she could for every parent around to hear, “OH MY GOD! You are one of THOSE parents! OH MY GOD! You are only 25!” She actually put her nose in the air and turned away from me. She has never spoken to me since, despite our children going to school together at the same school and my son is now in Grade 5.

To this day I am still referred to as, “One of THOSE moms” When some of the moms talk at school they will purposely say things like, “Not that you would know about this, you are a young mom”. Unless they are talking about getting the seniors discount, they really should just shut it.

My age has been pointed out to me since the very first time I got pregnant. This is nothing new to me. But happening at school, in front of my kids, thats just not cool.

My age has absolutely no baring on how good of a mother or how much of a mother I am. It doesn’t define me on my journey in motherhood or makes me any less of a mother. It also doesn’t make me unable to understand the importance of motherhood and the ups and downs of it all.

I am every bit a mother as the next lady who gave birth in her mid 30s or 40s. I am every bit a mother the day I gave birth when I was 17, as I am now at 31 years old and 4 kids later.

How do I put this nicely… Dear Mothers who gave birth later in life, stop judging other moms based on their age. It doesn’t matter at what age we joined motherhood, what does matter is that we are all in this motherhood journey together and should be supporting each other and helping each other. We all have the same goal; raise kids that are happy and productive members of society and reach their full awesome potential.

Age is just a number. Age doesn’t matter. Age doesn’t define how good of a mother you are. There is no guarantee that the older you are the better mother you will be. So stop judging others by age. There is no magic age.

I am 31, I given birth to 4 kick ass children aged 14, 10, 9 and 2. And I am a kick ass mother. I am every bit a mother as someone who gave birth at 35, or 45! A mother is a mother is a mother!

So the next time you are out and see a young mom, be nice, don’t judge.

~ Michelle

2May2016

Slow Down And Smell The Roses

Posted in Blog, Motherhood by Mommyhood Land Blog

Its Monday. Usually I have a list of goals. I like writing goals and to-do lists, they make me feel like I have some control over my week. Which we all know is a lie, but it is nice to pretend sometimes.

Inside of goals, this week I have some words of wisdom to share with you. So here it is.

I think we all need to slow down. Take our time. Stop to smell the roses. All of that stuff.

The other day I was out with my family running errands, on the way home while in slight traffic a car pulled up besides us – it wasn’t really in a lane, there were parking spots on the road – and the car preceded to start honking its horn at a parked car. A parked car! No one was even in the car! And this guy just laid on his horn. We were stopped at a red light, so this went on the whole time.

Now, I try not to rush to judgements, maybe this guy was in a hurry. Maybe he had to get to the hospital (it was in the other directions though… so….). Maybe there was an emergency at home. Maybe the guy just really had to pee. Who knows the reason behind this.

What I do know that is if he was paying attention, if he wasn’t in such a rush, he would have noticed that the car was in a parking spot, no one was in, no taillights were on – or break lights.

After he finally realized it was a parked car and got back in traffic he was speeding in and out of the lanes. Again… in a hurry.

People, please listen. There are enough hours in the day. It may not seem like it, but its true.

People, we need to slow down. We need to stop rushing through the day, rushing through tasks, counting down the hours till work is over, counting down the days till vacation, counting down till the weekend. Or whatever else it is people do to wish away the day.

We need to learn to live in the moment and enjoy that moment, whatever it holds.

Life is made up of hard days, easy days, fun days, bad days, happy days, and sad days and so many more in-between. Life isn’t made to wish away days.

Its all those days mixed in together that make life beautiful. The good and the bad together, when you take them together there is something beautiful there. You just have to take the time to slow down and look.

So next time you are out, take your time, smell the flowers, stop and enjoy the sunset, slow down and realize you are honking your horn at a parked car with no one in it, trust me it won’t help you get any where any faster.

Enjoy your day, whatever it holds.

Let me say this again, whatever you do just don’t be in such a rush that you honk at a parked car. It won’t help. I’m serious.

~Michelle

21Apr2016

13 Truths New Moms Should Know

Posted in Blog, Motherhood by Mommyhood Land Blog

I have given birth to four beautiful children. I am a stay at home mom to three beautiful children. My son is almost 10! TEN! I’m not sure how this happened, or when, but it did. My daughter is 2 and the two boys will be 9 and 10 soon! My oldest son placed for adoption will be 14!

However in saying all that, I realize it does not make me a parenting expert by any means, but I have learned some things along the way.

Here are some New Mom Truths for all of, you guessed it, new moms out there!

1. No matter how many times while growing up that you promised yourself that it wouldn’t happen, it will. Your mothers voice and words will come out of your mouth. It happens to all of us. Bonus points if you lick your finger and try to clean a smug off your child’s dirty face.

2. Try to deny it, promise you won’t say it, you can’t help it you will. At one point or anything you will say “Because I said so” or “I’m the Mom, thats why!”

3. Movies will make you cry, the news will make you cry, even commercials may make you cry. Pretty much anything you put on the TV will make you cry.

4. You will cry from pure joy, happiness, love – so much love, being over tired, stressed, frustration, feeling like your failed, feeling amazing, being a total bad-ass mom. And you will probably cry from all these emotions and more all in the same day.

5. You will ask “where are your socks/shoes?!” more times than you would have ever thought humanly possible.

6. You will be puked, peed, and pooped on. If you are really lucky it may even happen all at the same time.

7. If you don’t like coffee or drink coffee or some source of caffeine, don’t worry, you will.

8. There is a good chance you will walk out of the house with spit up and/or snot on you, and you won’t even notice it. Also if you wear black, your child will magically have a runny nose and use you as a snot rag.

9. The whole “you will never go to the bathroom alone again” line is totally true. Even if you do manage to get in there alone, there will be a child outside the door asking for you, or your husband. It never really ends.

10. No matter how crazy your kids drive you, no matter how much you crave time alone, the minute you get that time alone you will miss your kids. There is a 99% chance that when you finally get out on a date with your husband you will end up talking about the kids non stop.

11. No matter how many parenting books you read, how many articles you read, how many parents you talk to, you will still feel like you don’t know what you are doing and like you are messing up. Don’t worry, you aren’t. I will let you all know a secret, most of us (that admit it) always feel like this.

12. The first time your child is sick it will break your heart and you would give anything to make them feel better. You will feel totally helpless and totally blessed that simple hugs and cuddles from you will help make them feel better.

13. You will love that baby more than you ever thought possible. Like a crazy, crazy amount.

Parents out there, if you have anything else to add, I would love to hear it! Share below!

~ Michelle

21Apr2015

Some Things People Really Shouldn’t Say To Breastfeeding Moms

Posted in Blog, Motherhood by Mommyhood Land Blog

I love my husband. He is my best friend. He is the best. I am so lucky to have him.
But as a breastfeeding mom, sometimes when he says stupid stuff I hate him. When it is really extremely stupid, sometimes I even have the urge to stab him in the knee with a fork. Nothing causing severe pain or trauma, but if you are an exclusively breastfeeding mom, you may understand. Don’t get me wrong, I still love him, but yeah, sometimes a fork to the knee sounds good.

Let me explain before you freak out.

There are few things that test a marriage, house renovations, buying a house, planning a vacation, or when you are highly sleep deprived and exclusively breastfeeding and you are up every 1-2 hours while he sleeps soundly for 8-10 hours every. single. night.
Now don’t go hating on him. He tries to help. He offers to help. He will get up and change her if she needs it. He will get up and rock her back to sleep sometimes. But when your baby is a boob addict, there isn’t much left for him to do. We have tried giving her a bottle, which clearly warrants screaming so bad you think the world is coming to an end. Even a bottle with breast milk will not do. She will not go for the fake stuff. She likes it straight up.

So here are some things a husband (and maybe other people) should never say to an over-tired, hormonal, breastfeeding mom.

1. “She was only up three times. That doesn’t sound too bad!” Um… what?!?! Yes total improvement over 6 times, but still yeah. I guess if you didn’t get up with her then yes it doesn’t sound too bad!

2. “I am so tired”. Really? Sorry I didn’t see you in the hallway as I went back and forth between my room and my daughter’s room. 8 hours of sleep must be hard work.

3. “Have you thought about letting her cry it out?” Yes totally, because I want her to wake up everyone in the house. And I want to be up even longer before I have to go in and feed her.

4. “I know how you feel.” Yes, you totally do, because you have boobs and you breastfeed out daughter almost 24/7. Ok. Thanks for the sympathy, but no…just no.

5. “Just try a bottle. It is no big deal to give her one” (My husband did not say this, someone else did) Trust me if it was that simple it would be done by now. I have tried. My husband has tried. She is a boob addict. She won’t take it. At all. If you want to know what is like to have your ears bleed, come over and listen to her scream when someone tries to give her a bottle.

6. “You’re still breastfeeding?! Why?” (Again, my husband did not say this to me, but someone else did) Because I want to. Because I can. And because she won’t stop.

7. “And?…” Half asleep, my husband once said this to me after complaining about my night. After I threw a pillow at him he quickly changed his tone.

8. “How much more are you really going to eat?” Thankfully it wasn’t my husband that said this. But when you are feeding another human being from your own body, it is hard work, and you get hungry. Back off.

Sometimes when someone says something stupid I just want to say…

photo from ecards found on Pinterest

To recap, I love my husband, he’s amazing, helpful, and super awesome. But sometimes people just say stupid stuff. At least after 3 kids, and more than a year of breastfeeding my daughter, my husband has learned a few things, like be supportive, and give me chocolate.

~ Michelle